Drunky Time Problem Solving I

Prereqs (this is complicated)

• Live in an "up and coming" 'burb where the pizza places won't deliver after midnight because their drivers might get shot by the neighbors who haven't quite "up and came."
• Have a griddler/panini maker/Jorje Foreman grill because your snooty, boug-y apartment complex doesn't allow actual patio-dwelling barbeque grills.
• Possess a hankering for pizza that can only be justified by the steady drinking of alcoholic beverages for 4-6 hours prior.

Ingredients

• Soft Taco Shells
• Spaghetti Sauce
• Pesto
• Shredded Cheese
• Frozen (pre-cooked) Chicken Strips

Directions
Any rah-tard can figure this part out.


Things to do while your griddler warms up

• Remove all of your husband's beer bottles from the trash and place in the recycling bin.
• Remind yourself that the man can't even conceptualize a "clean side" and "dirty side" of the sink and forgive him the recycling bin trespasses.
• Turn on the Scentsy warmer in an attempt to cover up the salmony smell emitting from your warming griddler.  (This step only works if you are using the obnoxiously floral-scented wax you received for Christmas from an unnamed in-law.) 
• Turn on the ceiling fan and crack open the back door.  (See above.)
• Ponder the rules for punctuation within parenthetical statements.
• Realize that the instructions for this particular problem-solving episode are too lengthy for a text message and resolve to finally start the blog that you've been promising yourself you would start for the last 3-4 years.
• Think about names for the aforementioned blog and resolve to name it after an inside Portlandia joke that only your sister-in-law will get.
• Realize that you can't share the blog address with your sister-in-law because you will probably use the space to make fun of her mother.  Resolve to use that title anyway.
• Justify the impending consumption of the fatty, delicious food that you are cooking by reminding yourself that your boobs are still bigger than your stomach, if only for a few more weeks.

Things to do after you have problem-solved your way out of this specific pizza-craving
Stream The Big Lebowski on Netflix for the 6783rd time while enjoying your culinary delight.


Aaaaaaaaaaaand scene.